This hilarious open letter to Huddah monroe, posted on kenyanlist
website by an individual named Ca Bugah (A play on Cabu Gah’s name?)
Anyway, enjoy…
HUDDAH MONROE,TELL THIS HATERS to SHUT UP and Respect You! Tell TELL them,Huddah,Tell them!
Tell
them,Huddah,tell them that You are the Boss…And being evicted from the
BBA house didnt suprise You at all…tell them a Boss is always ready for
anythng! And even after your name was mentioned for eviction,You weren’t
suprised…yaani hauku stu-HOOKER…
Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You are an expensive woman,who takes expensive drinks like jHORNY Walker…
Tell
them,Huddah,tell them that You have a diploma from some real college in
Kenya! Yes,tell them that You also know that e-DICK-ation is the Key to
Success…
Tell them,Huddah,tell them to either stop hating or sit
ON Your middle finger and spin on it…And You can also tell them HOW it
feels to sit on a A middle finger BECAUSE thats what You do for a
living~ sitting on Your client’s middle fingers!
Tell
them,Huddah,tell them that You are a fun loving woman,with great hobbies
whch include SWIMMING. Yes,tell them that You love swimming even more
than semen loves swimming through your fallopian tubes….
Tell them
Huddah,tell them that You are just like Drake. Who started FROM the
bottom. But You are a little different because YOU started WITH YOUR
bottom.
Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You are a strong girl,a
fighter! Yes,tell them that You would rather Die on Your Feet. Than Live
on Your knees…Although,going by your career,chances are You will die ON
your knees after chocking on some cum!
Tell them,Huddah,tell them
that Big Brother’s timely eviction only gave You an opportunity to come
to Kenya and continue attending to your vast business empire which
includes Twitter and Instagram…
Tell them Huddah,tell them to stop
the hate and respect a lady! Yes,tell them that You got BALLS!
Although,in most cases,the BALLS we are talking about here are YOUR male
clients’ balls!
Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You are a Queen
who lives a FAST LIFE! Yes,tell them that Everythng to You is FAST; Fast
cars,Fast Foods,Fast money… Yes,even when it comes to being evicted
from a house,its FAST too!
Tell them Huddah,tell them that You are a powerful,influential woman! Yes,remind them that YOU are Kenya’s WHOREprah Winfrey!
Tell
them Huddah,tell them that You are NOT a cheap tribalist like most of
them! Yes,remind them that,even though You are a Kikuyu,YOUR favorite
tribe is the POKOmo…
Tell them,Huddah! Oh,Yes,tell them that You
are a learned woman. A Qualified Woman. And if they dont believe
You,they can come to YOUR house and You can show them your many
Quali-FORNICATIONS in life.
Huddah,tell them! Yes,tell them that
You are a hard-WANKING woman who wakes up at 4am to perform Morning
Glory. ALONE. Then sleep and wake up again at 9am,to tweet photos of the
Morning Glory.
Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You did HISTORY in
school. And even though You didnt know Addis Ababa was a city,not a
country,atleast You know that Jamaica was born in Bob Marley. And
also,Your favorite Black Heroes are Martin Luther King and Malcolm seX.
Tell them,Huhu! Uuuuuiii ,tell them that You are a wealthy lady. A lady who spends THE WHOLE DAY shopping~ for emergency pills.
Tell
them to STOP lying that You are a blonde. Tell them that You are a
woman with a very impressive CV. And ‘C’ is for Cunt. Oh,Yeah! And You
didnt really need the 26Million Big Brother jackpot,tell them that that
is cheap money that You can earn within the comfort of Your
bedroom….with your legs in the air!
Huddah,remind them that You
have many other talents….Not just stripping and faking orgasms…TELL THEM
that Ur also an awesome singer…….the next MALAYA carey.
Yes,Baby!
Tell them to RESPECT You because YOU are a trendsetter. And the
evidence of your amazing trendsetting achievements can be seen on
Twitter. Where You TREND everyday.
Rest Your case,Huddah. I
believe they have heard You. Loud and clear. Louder than your bedroom
moans. Please,remind them that the reason MPs want their pay increased
from Ksh.531,000 to Ksh.831,000 is because the extra Ksh.300,000 is to
pay for YOUR awesome bedroom services…
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