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Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Funny open letter to Huddah Monroe… About BBA eviction & more

This hilarious open letter to Huddah monroe, posted on kenyanlist website by an individual named Ca Bugah (A play on Cabu Gah’s name?) Anyway, enjoy…
HUDDAH MONROE,TELL THIS HATERS to SHUT UP and Respect You! Tell TELL them,Huddah,Tell them!
Huddah-Empress5-
Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You are the Boss…And being evicted from the BBA house didnt suprise You at all…tell them a Boss is always ready for anythng! And even after your name was mentioned for eviction,You weren’t suprised…yaani hauku stu-HOOKER…

Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You are an expensive woman,who takes expensive drinks like jHORNY Walker…


Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You have a diploma from some real college in Kenya! Yes,tell them that You also know that e-DICK-ation is the Key to Success…


Tell them,Huddah,tell them to either stop hating or sit ON Your middle finger and spin on it…And You can also tell them HOW it feels to sit on a A middle finger BECAUSE thats what You do for a living~ sitting on Your client’s middle fingers!

Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You are a fun loving woman,with great hobbies whch include SWIMMING. Yes,tell them that You love swimming even more than semen loves swimming through your fallopian tubes….


Tell them Huddah,tell them that You are just like Drake. Who started FROM the bottom. But You are a little different because YOU started WITH YOUR bottom.

Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You are a strong girl,a fighter! Yes,tell them that You would rather Die on Your Feet. Than Live on Your knees…Although,going by your career,chances are You will die ON your knees after chocking on some cum!

Tell them,Huddah,tell them that Big Brother’s timely eviction only gave You an opportunity to come to Kenya and continue attending to your vast business empire which includes Twitter and Instagram…


Tell them Huddah,tell them to stop the hate and respect a lady! Yes,tell them that You got BALLS! Although,in most cases,the BALLS we are talking about here are YOUR male clients’ balls!


Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You are a Queen who lives a FAST LIFE! Yes,tell them that Everythng to You is FAST; Fast cars,Fast Foods,Fast money… Yes,even when it comes to being evicted from a house,its FAST too!
Tell them Huddah,tell them that You are a powerful,influential woman! Yes,remind them that YOU are Kenya’s WHOREprah Winfrey!


Tell them Huddah,tell them that You are NOT a cheap tribalist like most of them! Yes,remind them that,even though You are a Kikuyu,YOUR favorite tribe is the POKOmo…
Tell them,Huddah! Oh,Yes,tell them that You are a learned woman. A Qualified Woman. And if they dont believe You,they can come to YOUR house and You can show them your many Quali-FORNICATIONS in life.



Huddah,tell them! Yes,tell them that You are a hard-WANKING woman who wakes up at 4am to perform Morning Glory. ALONE. Then sleep and wake up again at 9am,to tweet photos of the Morning Glory.


Tell them,Huddah,tell them that You did HISTORY in school. And even though You didnt know Addis Ababa was a city,not a country,atleast You know that Jamaica was born in Bob Marley. And also,Your favorite Black Heroes are Martin Luther King and Malcolm seX.
Tell them,Huhu! Uuuuuiii ,tell them that You are a wealthy lady. A lady who spends THE WHOLE DAY shopping~ for emergency pills.


Tell them to STOP lying that You are a blonde. Tell them that You are a woman with a very impressive CV. And ‘C’ is for Cunt. Oh,Yeah! And You didnt really need the 26Million Big Brother jackpot,tell them that that is cheap money that You can earn within the comfort of Your bedroom….with your legs in the air!


Huddah,remind them that You have many other talents….Not just stripping and faking orgasms…TELL THEM that Ur also an awesome singer…….the next MALAYA carey.
Yes,Baby! Tell them to RESPECT You because YOU are a trendsetter. And the evidence of your amazing trendsetting achievements can be seen on Twitter. Where You TREND everyday.


Rest Your case,Huddah. I believe they have heard You. Loud and clear. Louder than your bedroom moans. Please,remind them that the reason MPs want their pay increased from Ksh.531,000 to Ksh.831,000 is because the extra Ksh.300,000 is to pay for YOUR awesome bedroom services…

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